There is both nothing and everything to write about. The conflict of wanting to write but being unable to is one that I will always struggle with – one that I have struggled with the most for 2011.
But, I want to write. It is the only thing that I can do, the only thing that I love doing and the only thing that makes me different. So here I go. A year-end review and a ritual of sorts to initiate me back into the writing fold.
I am at a lost with 2011. It was not bad but it wasn’t great either. I started off well, didn’t get quite where I wanted to be – which was to be super rich and famous. Lolz. By the middle of the year, I ran out of gas and got hit with a major case of the doldrums.
See, the thing about my doldrums is that I lose all ability to care. It is hard to measure the enormity of the fuck that I do not give to the things I am supposed to be focusing on – work, the online job, the personal hygiene (!). It is by far better to be bad at something than to be completely oblivious to it.
This 2012, of course, necessitates that I find the spark plug to do better at work (I may have botched this up, considering I did nothing at work today) and in life.
I don’t know what I’ll do this year. I’ll probably try to go back to school for a master’s degree in God-knows-what. My resume remains confused and is in dire need of a makeover. I need to let go of some things. Fix my room. Be independent and grow up. Definitely read more books. Write more (Gasgas na ang resolution na itech. Anubeh!!) Confidence, loads of it. Talk to God more. And oh, to be kinder to the Self.
Argh. Focus, Jas, focus. This here is 2012.