I rarely rant because it does not seem, well, seemly for people my age. But I need to.
My mom wanted to nominate me to a local search for young leaders thing. And I refused.
Why? One, I don’t think I am cut out for that. Two, I am not leadership material. Three, I don’t want to. Four, I do not have ambitions for greatness. Five, I don’t want to. Oh, wait. I already said that.
Basically, it boils down to the fact that I do not want to be nominated. Period. And my mom took it hard. I know that I disappointed her – hell, I know I pissed her off tonight, but I can’t help it. I just seem to be dead set against it.
I chalk it down to my own feelings of inadequacy. Or maybe, my mother is right when she said that I’m so scared of failure, I refuse to try.
I’d like to think otherwise. But, whatever.
I guess what’s really bothering me tonight is this – is it really so wrong to refuse joining the blasted search? I intend to live with the consequences of my actions today because that’s what adults do – they own up to their decisions. I just wish that my mom would be able to respect my choice. I hope that she can accept the fact that there are just some things that I don’t want to do.
And yes, there are things that I am afraid to do.