And, Catharsis. If Only For A Little While

This was supposed to be my year-end post. Or my 2014 year-starter post. Whatever worked best. But the events of 2013 did a lot of damage to my sense of equilibrium and self-worth, that it took me quite a while to regain my balance. I still am, come to think of. Still trying to sort things out, calm down, look at the bigger picture, grow a spine, etc.

2013 was a year of gains and losses, a year where the principle of equivalent exchange was in full swing. Full Metal Alchemist, anyone? :)

In order to obtain or create something, something of equal value must be lost or destroyed

I felt that the Universe loved and hated me in equal measure, and for something it gave, it took away. Carrot and stick, carrot and stick. Meh, I am not used to being this bitter, cynical or disillusioned. I’m growing old – old, in every sense of the word.

In the span of one year, I lost my grandfather, said goodbye to my job of three years, started all over again with a new job with the City Government as a bona-fide regular employee (with all perks and benefits), and experienced a month-long armed conflict which took 20 years off my life.

I also lost weight, dropping down from 60 to 50 kilograms. On the other hand, I had the Worst Pimple Breakout Ever, and to date, I am still dealing with dark marks which make me look like Krillin of Dragon Ball fame, and the straggler zits that insist on making an appearance if only to piss me off.

Lose some, gain some. Carrot and stick.

I’m really starting to understand why people make penitensiya. By denying ourselves happiness either through sacrifice or pain, perhaps the scales of life will tip over in our favor. That somewhere out there, someone will not deny you your happiness because you have already given up so much already.

To all that was and could have been. Thanks 2013, and hallo tharr, 2014.


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